My Hope, My Pride, My Protection

     I have had both a long day and packed schedule today and yesterday. Wake up at 6:15 yesterday, we had to get ready in 20 minutes which is much shorter when you figure in going to the bathroom on a long line and putting on your uniform correctly. We went to breakfast (which has only so far consisted of chocolate spread and bread.. you get sick of it fast) and then the the flag raising ceremony. It was a nice ceremony, but I don't think it impacted me as it should of. Despite my thoughts on the literal flag raising, something a women who spoke at the ceremony really hit hard. It was very moving. The thing is, with so much happening in a such a short time, I cannot recall exactly what she had said. Only that I was really struck by it and felt proud to be in the Israeli uniform. The pride and unity she spoke of was presented with words I might of forgotten, but the feeling they gave me still hasn't worn off. 

     Later, we had two classes about both the national anthem Hatikvah, and the Israeli flag. Described to us with the emotion of a mfaketed (commander) serving her country, I got the sense of an indescribable pride and simple emotion form the Jewish people yearning for the hope of continuing as a sovereign nation and people. Last night, we closed by having a program about the Israeli army programs that they offer. I found two of the three army programs very interesting, and they struck me with an odd sense of urgency. One for two months, and the other real army time & Alyiah (which included a kibbutz lifestyle and an adoptive family to get started in Israel). 

      The embodiment of so much opportunity stood in front of me, in the form of these two programs which tied together, and while exciting me it also scared me. I want to serve my country, my homeland, my holy land; I, again, feel a sense of urgency, but also, an obligation with an irrevocable "get up, stand up" feel to it. To "get up, stand up" for what I believe in: a Jewish homeland. With this, however, the idea of leaving my family & friends in the US to start from scratch here frightens me to no end. I could not envision myself abandoning my entire past, despite the opportunities for my future. Different people, things, & settings have never thrown me into a free-fall like this. This idea of making Alyiah and joining the army feels like a bottomless pit to me, filled with opportunity but also scary. While people have done it before me, I doubt it always has the same happy ending for everyone. Despite all these feelings of uncertainty, I think I might want to find the ending of this abyss. I'm not sure.

      With this particular train of thought aside,  and on a much more superficial note, yesterday we did a LOT of training. In short, I learned the process of handling, dismantling, reassembling, and shooting an M16. More impressively, both in Hebrew and English. I held a gun for the first time and it was such a rush of adrenaline, from my fingertips to toes. I have to admit, I was a little too excited to pick up this deadly weapon, but I guess a majority of us, teens, were. By the end of the day I had a basic understanding of the 128 part M16 & ready to practice with ammunition.

      5:45 wake up call, early breakfast, on the bus, arrive at the shooting range at 7 or 8. I was really excited. Listing to the commands in both in Hebrew and then English for clarification, I got out of achshav position and dropped to the ground. A few minutes later, I followed the orders of my Mem'em (the position above mafaketet/commander), when she said aish. Within five minutes all of my 11 bullets were emptied out onto the target range, along with the 14 other kids I was shooting with. Commanded every step of the way, from how we stand, setting the safety switch, to when to pull the trigger, we picked up the shells and darted to pick up the targets (cleaning up) as fast as possible. I hit my target 6 times, which isn't bad at all for my first time. Some kids didn't even hit the target once, leading me to celebrate my small victory. The shooting range was a highlight of today, and I am very proud I shot my first firearm & managed to hit my target. Even better yet, now that I have shot a gun for a first time, I can proudly say hopefully never again. 

      The shooting range was a cool part of today, but it wasn't the only. We had kitchen duty today, and while the four hours were very very long... I had a blast. We sung songs, and entertained ourselves in numerous ways. Despite having to clean up after hundreds of other people, I had fun working with my friends.